Things not working out between you and your spouse and you are thinking about asking for a divorce? Onlinedivorce.com shares 11 things to consider before asking for a divorce.
1. Divorce is expensive
Thinking of asking for a divorce? Filing for a divorce can be really expensive. The average cost of a divorce in America can range between $15 000-$30 000 for a contested divorce if you use an attorney. If you decide to do the divorce yourself online, this would be cheaper. The typical documents for an online divorce could range between $300-$500, depending on which state you live in. This is obviously much cheaper and could save you a lot of money in the long run. So if you are considering getting a divorce, you should consider perhaps getting an online divorce. Online divorce is definitely the way to go if you would like to keep costs down.
2. Think of your children
When you are thinking about getting a divorce, think of the impact it would have on your children. Studies have shown that children who come from divorced families, often exhibit more behavioral issues. Children’s grades seem to go down, whilst at school. Children from divorced families also seem to be more disruptive in class and suffer from more insecurities, studies have shown. Another study has shown that children from divorced families are also twice as likely to drop out of school than children who come from intact homes.
3. Getting a divorce is like riding an emotional rollercoaster.
Every divorce, even if you wanted the divorce, is hard on your emotions. The thought of starting over again, the hurt feelings between you and your spouse that your divorce is finally final. The anxiety you might feel about your future, raising a family on your own or the hurt of a spouse being unfaithful; These feelings are often like a dark cloud in your mind, with a constant mix of emotions. When you ask for a divorce, all these feelings are heightened. Sometimes these emotions can last a really long time. Sometimes a rash decision could affect you for the rest of your life. You really need to consider these feelings before you decide to get a divorce. Ask your spouse how will either of you move forward after your divorce has gone through. Sometimes planning life after a divorce is a good way to help you cope.
4. Ask yourself: Is my marriage really over?
You really have to sit down with your partner and have an open heart to heart. Is your marriage really over, with absolutely no way to reconcile? If there are still feelings of love, consider going to a marriage counselor. They could help you reconnect, or help you figure out a way to solve your problems. You wouldn’t want to go through the heartache of a divorce, to realize afterward that you made a mistake. This is something to really think about seriously before you ask for a divorce.
5. Divorce can have a really negative impact on your family for a very long time.
Asking for a divorce can really cause a lasting impact on your family. It means giving up on something you once truly believed in, and that was that your love could last a lifetime. All the plans you made together, the hopes and dreams you shared, will now be over. Even if you feel getting a divorce is the right thing, you would still need a support system to help you through the emotional anguish. You will also have to face your children and explain to them why you and your spouse will no longer be together. This can affect all of you for a really, really long time.
Children who come from divorced families have been shown to battle more as adults, as teens, they are sexually active from a younger age and they battle with insecurities. Research has also shown that a lot of children also feel less close to their fathers after a divorce. Teenagers also feel really angry after a divorce. You and your spouse might also harbor anger and resentment and anger, can make a person emotionally and physically ill. Anger leads to headaches, high blood pressure, anxiety, and depression.
Besides your children who would feel hurt, what about other family members and friends? Often times couples share friends. Friends might be torn as well between the divorcing couple. Grandparents of the children could also be affected. Perhaps not seeing their grandchildren as much as they did before. These are all things to consider before getting a divorce.
6. Consider how would you feel if your spouse moved on, with someone else.
Once you get a divorce, your spouse is free to move on with other people. How would you feel in this case? If it bothers you, perhaps you should think about other ways to fix your marriage before considering a divorce.
7. Can you make a living and look after your family on one income?
Another thing to consider before asking for a divorce is whether or not you can live on one income. Perhaps you weren’t working while you were married. Have you started looking for work? Have you seen how much you would get paid? This is quite an important consideration. You would need to be able to look after yourself and your children if you have children. Sometimes alimony and child support is not always enough to get by.
8. Where will you live after the divorce?
If you are the spouse that plans to move out after your divorce, you need to figure out where you will stay and calculate the cost. Will you be renting a home, or buying? Make sure you know exactly what the costs are so that you will be prepared once your divorce goes through.
9. Would you be happier without your partner?
You might feel that your partner can really drive you insane. You really need to ask yourself if you would be happier without your spouse. There might be some things that drive you crazy about your partner, but perhaps they have other positive qualities that you couldn’t live without.
10. What is your biggest fear about asking a divorce?
Are you afraid of being alone? Are you afraid of your spouse’s reaction? Are you afraid to start over? Considering your feelings and fears about life after a divorce could help you prepare for what’s to come.
11. How can I not make the same mistake the next time around?
I’m sure the last thing you are thinking about while going through a divorce, is marrying someone else. But you might feel like a failure in your current marriage and you might be wondering how not to repeat the same mistakes. Look at yourself and see where your flaws lie. If you felt bored in your current marriage, you might feel the same in the next one. If you are a controlling person, those traits can carry over into your next marriage too. So take a good look at yourself and see where you can change. If you feel like you got married too young, take time to really get to know the next person you fall in love with. Another option is to see a psychologist, they can also help you figure out what you want out of life.
These are just a few points to consider before asking for a divorce. Think about the questions posed above, ask your spouse the same questions and talk about how you feel. Divorce is a big decision, that could last a lifetime. Take your time and make the right decision.