Heart breaks causes heart-wrenching pain, your heart gets filled with a sadness that is hard to overcome. When you are going through a breakup, life begins to feel meaningless and void. This is precisely why after a breakup, most people look to a friend to give them support and hope. If your friend has recently gone through a bad breakup, you must become the wall they can recline on for support and care. You must learn to reassure your friends by saying only the right things.
Don’t say this (if you don’t want to make things worst):
1. You’re so much better off now: Well, this might be true but this isn’t something your friend wants to hear. It is not smart to throw truth in someone’s face when they are not ready for it, your friend isn’t over their ex and misses them. In such a case, telling them they are better alone will make little sense to them.
2. There are other fish in the sea: Your friend has broken up recently and is not over their ex yet. Telling them to start dating again is the most stupid advice you can give them. People need time to restore themselves after a breakup. It is only after they have fixed themselves mentally and emotionally can they think about moving on to another relationship.
3. Enjoy your freedom: No, your friend does not want their freedom. They want the love and care of which they got a healthy dose everyday when they were with their partner. If your friend has broken up recently, they certainly would be too hung up on their ex to appreciate the value of freedom. Give them an advice they will value.
4. Relationships are over-rated: That’s what you think. If your friend is heartbroken, it is probably because they crave for love and intimacy that only a romantic relationship can provide. If you tell them relationships are overrated, they will feel that you don’t understand them. This might make them push themselves further away from you and everyone else who does not get what they are going through.
5. Everything happens for a reason: We agree that everything happens for a reason, but your friend is not in a position to understand this yet. They might be able to see something good in their breakup after they are over it. While they are still healing, they will be unable to look for any silver lining in the turn of events.
6. The men/women will be lining up to date you: But they don’t want men/women lining up to date them. Instead, they want that one man/woman to come back to them who has their heart. Also, this is a rather bad advice because the idea of starting all over again to get something you already had and which you lost might make your friend squirm in pain.
7. Oh, they’re with someone else now: No, please don’t tell your friend that their ex has already moved on. If your friend is still hung up on the past, this news will break them beyond repair. It will make moving on even more difficult.
8. He/She wasn’t good enough for you, anyway: This may be true, but this is something your friend will not believe. When you are in love with a person, you are able to overlook each of their flaws. You might be able to see your friend’s ex’s shortcomings, but your friend isn’t in a position to see them yet. They won’t believe you if you tell them their ex wasn’t good enough for them.
9. Aww, Man, I hoped that was the one: You friend wanted that too. However, they are not the one anymore and hence, you must not even talk about it. Telling your friend that you were rooting for them and their ex is like telling them they have lost something amazing. The regret and agony they feel will become even more intense.
10. I’m so glad you are free of that one. I never liked them: By saying this, you are putting yourself in trouble. If you never liked them, you should have told your friend sooner. Since you didn’t, you are partly responsible for where they stand today.
11. Online Dating is the way to go. Let’s set up an account for you right now: Online dating works only in very rare cases. Most of the times, you run into jerks on the internet. That apart, your friend is still recovering from her breakup. She’s not ready to go out in the arena yet and you shouldn’t push them.
12. Spend some time on yourself now: By telling them they have all the time in the world for themselves now, you are essentially reminding them of the fact that they are single, lonely and desperately waiting for their ex to come back. If you truly want to help your friend, do not tell her to spend some time on themselves. Rather, spend all your time with them.
13. Eh, just go get drunk: Drinking will make your friend feel better for a night but what happens when they get up the next day? They will go back to missing their ex. What’s more, the hangover will make them feel worst. Besides, what if they end up doing stupid after getting drunk? You do not want your friend to get up with both heart ache and regret.
14. Go work out, get even hotter, and make him regret it: When you say this, you are only pushing your friend back towards a relationship that’s superficial and already over. To start with, your friend shouldn’t be with someone who wants them for their good body. Second, by telling your friend that they can make their ex regret, you are introducing them to possibility of a patch-up.
15. Dating around is the only way to know what you really want: Your friend has recently had a breakup. They are not ready to start dating again and you shouldn’t push them to do it as they will probably end up making a lot of mistakes. Besides, if your friend was in a relationship, they probably already know what they want.
16. You wasted too much time on them anyway. Better that it ended now: To start with, if your friend was happy when they were in a relationship with their ex, chances are they were not wasting their time. One never wastes time on things that makes them happy. Second, pointing out that they have lost a lot of their precious time is wrong and downright cruel.
17. Did they meet someone else?: Well, that’s a topic you should never start. Your friend is still in the process of fixing themselves and hence, it is quite clear that they are not over their ex yet. In such a case, telling them that their ex might have met someone new is like introducing them to a new world full of pain.
18. I knew it! I knew something was going on: If you knew something was wrong, why didn’t you speak up before? Had you opened your mouth on time, you might have saved your friend from misery and pain.
19. Eh, you’ll probably get back together: Your duty is to help your friend get over their ex and not give them false hopes about getting back together. Giving false hopes may make them feel better temporarily, but it will give them unbearable pain in the long run.
Being a friend to someone who is dealing with heartbreak can be tricky. You will have to learn to say the right words at the right time as saying something wrong can push your friend further deep into agony and sorrow and surely you don’t want to do that. Tread with caution and you will do a good job.