There’s no doubt about it: It’s a challenge to find that one special person who would be worth spending the rest of your life with. And when you embark on a new romance, the feeling can be so intoxicating that it’s all too easy to miss seeing signs that there is something terminally wrong with the relationship. If you’ve noticed any of the following warning signs, beware; you’re probably involved in the wrong relationship:
The Two of You Have Conflicting Goals in Life
Couples don’t have to have every last thing in common for their relationship to work out; in fact, it’s healthy if each partner maintains their own interests and friendships. On the other hand, there has to be a sufficient level of common ground between the two of you if you hope to make the relationship work in the long term. If the two of you have dramatically conflicting goals in life, you are probably in the wrong relationship.
Here are a few examples:
- You want kids, but your partner doesn’t.
- Your goal is to get married, but your partner doesn’t want a long-term commitment.
- You want to live in Tallahassee, but your partner wants to live in London.
- You want your significant other to enjoy a fabulous career and a position of leadership within your community, but s/he just wants to chill out, get wasted every night and do the bare minimum at work.
In all of the above examples, there is no easy way for the two of you to compromise; no matter what happens, one or the other of you will end up being disappointed. In cases like these, it is frequently better to end the relationship and find a new partner whose life goals are better aligned with your own.
You Expect Your Partner to Change Something Important
Relationships frequently fail when one person expects the other person to make some significant change.
S/he’s a slob, and you’re hoping s/he’ll learn to clean things up? S/he drinks too much, and you’re hoping s/he’ll quit? S/he’s totally out of shape, and you’re hoping s/he’ll take up jogging? Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but that’s probably not going to happen.
Yes, people do change sometimes; but they rarely do it because a significant other is nagging them to. They change in cases where they sincerely desire a change. But it would be a mistake to think that your partner wants to change just because you want them to.
If you cannot accept your significant other exactly as s/he is now, then you are absolutely in the wrong relationship. It is unrealistic and unfair for you to expect your partner to change something significant about themselves. It is also not OK for them to expect you to change.
Your Partner Is Overly Critical of Your Physical Appearance
- “You really need to get in shape”.
- “You’re looking a little flabby. Maybe you should think about having liposuction.”
- “Your skin is a mess. Do you want me to schedule a dermatologist appointment for you?”
Do any of these criticisms sound familiar?
Body shaming is a common occurrence, but it isn’t one that’s conducive to healthy relationships.
According to one survey, nearly one-fourth of the male participants expressed a desire that their significant others would undergo cosmetic surgery. Liposuction was at the top of the list of their most desired procedures, followed by breast augmentation surgery. Interestingly, most of these guys were quick to communicate that they wouldn’t actually tell their partner about these wishes. However, some said that they would tell.
There’s nothing wrong with going to the dermatologist, having liposuction or making any other change your sweetheart might suggest — but only if you’re doing these things for the right reasons, and only if you have sufficiently educated yourself about the treatments you’re considering. These are not minor decisions. They can be life altering.
Most cosmetic procedures have high success rates and great satisfaction rates, but not everyone ends up being happy with the results. And frequently, the people who end up with regrets were those who were pressured to have cosmetic surgery by their significant others.
The consensus is that you should avoid having cosmetic surgery to please someone else. It’s something you would ideally do because you really have the desire to make that particular change, not because you are pressured into it by your sweetheart.
Bottom line, physical attraction is an important component of any romantic relationship. If that isn’t present, perhaps the relationship is more of a friendship than a romance. If your partner is making it clear that they’re totally dissatisfied with your physical appearance, you have some hard choices to make. But if you don’t really want to change your appearance, don’t be afraid to end the relationship and find someone who can accept you as you are.
Your Family and Friends Don’t Like Your Partner
There’s an old cliché that says, “Love is blind”. There’s some truth in it. If your friends and family don’t like your significant other, it’s probably because they can see some obvious flaw or problem that, for whatever reason, you’ve been blinded to.
If your loved ones don’t like your partner, it’s time to have an honest conversation with them about what they are seeing that you don’t see. Perhaps their concerns are well founded, and perhaps not; but either way, you know their goal isn’t to ruin your life. They’re concerned with your best interests, and they care about you. It’s only fair that you at least listen to their opinions.
Your Partner Behaves Abusively
Abuse is never acceptable in a relationship. This goes for verbal and emotional abuse as well as physical abuse. If your partner is physical, verbally or emotionally abusing you, it’s time to ditch that relationship and move on.
These are 5 of the most obvious red flags that you may be involved in the wrong relationship. If one or more of these things is happening to you, it’s time to give some serious consideration as to whether you should cut your losses and extricate yourself from the situation. It would probably be a mistake to invest any more time in this particular romance; in that case, your time would be better used for finding someone who is more compatible with you.