Everyone is aware of the flashing red signs when there is trouble in paradise, but very often, we all, somehow, miss the subtle signs.
There’s hardly any couple who hasn’t experienced a rough patch in their marriage. For some, this rough patch is so terrible that it boils to a point where both the partners become extremely disappointed and plan to move on with their lives, alone.
Quite often than not, too many marriages that start with a couple that’s madly in love ends up with both the parties bitter and full of resentment for each other. The reason most marriages fall apart is that rather than dealing with the issues mutually, the differences are swept under the rug – to deal with later on or never.
Marital distress is quite disturbing and unsettling, but one can save it by identifying the problems at the right time. Here are the 6 warning signs that your marriage could be in trouble:
The Past Issues
Nothing good comes out of dwelling in the past. If you and your partner cannot let go of the past problems and keep having the same fights over and over again, this is troubling for the marriage. To build a marriage and future with someone, one has to get past the old issues and leave them IN the past.
If a matter settles, then let it be; do not bring it up again whenever you get a chance. It is extremely unhealthy to bring up issues from the past every time you fight. This way, the problem at hand ends up taking the back seat and arguing about off-topics takes up all the time. Whenever there is a disagreement between the two of you, discuss that particular issue only. Drawing the issues from the past for your defense or just to have a better retort never resolves the conflict. It is necessary to stay on point to solve the underlying problem.2
Little or No Intimacy
It is dangerous to let the intimate connection die in a relationship. There is a lot more to intimacy than sex. Small gestures like holding hands, hugging, snuggling or an affectionate touch while talking are the signs of an intimate relationship. If a couple stops sharing these moments, they gradually begin to lose an important chunk of their marriage.
Although a spouse having more sex drive than the other is not unheard of, it is not a warning sign of a troubled marriage. It becomes an issue when the one with the lower desire stops caring about the feelings and desires of their respective partner. Rejecting or not responding to their partner’s sexual advances leads to feelings of hurt, rejection, anger as well as desperation. Numerous issues can stem out of these emotions as the spouses stop spending time together, lose their emotional connection and stop enjoying each other’s company. There will a lot of fighting about sex among other things.
With no sexual connection, the relationship becomes sex-starved and partner would try to get that sexual gratification from somewhere else. Do whatever it takes to bring that spark back. It might be tough and slow at first, but one has to start somewhere.
You Can’t Communicate
Open communication is a sign of a healthy relationship. If a couple is not even making small talk, it means there is something to worry about. Less or no communication can fail your marriage. Without effective communication, couples tend to lose the will to resolve the marital issues.
A couple that refuses to communicate must realize that problems cannot find a solution on their own. Instead of asking, partners assume what the other is going to say or think. They get annoyed or become upset with their partner’s assumed reaction without even talking to them. It is not only unhealthy but also leads to many problems and resentments. The couple will get surprised by their spouse’s reaction if they speak to each other. It is important that you take out time to sit and talk why you have stopped talking altogether. Before you become defensive, ask for clarification. If a majority of your discussions end up in bickering and hating each other, think about how you speak to your partner. Learn to be a good listener and communicator.
The Idea of Having an Affair Sounds Appealing
There are many reasons as to why a partner finds the thought of having an affair tempting. It can be anything. The excitement and risk of a new relationship and having a sexual relationship with someone other than your partner. Or maybe seeking attention, affection, and appreciation from somebody else. No matter what the reason, affairs warn of a troubled marriage.
It is unwise to think that going outside the marriage will resolve marital dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Infidelity and affairs escalate the issues further and leave behind nothing but lies, deceit, shame, guilt, and hurt. Most importantly, it makes your spouse lose their trust in you which can take forever to rebuild. If the marriage was not in trouble before, it will surely become troubled after going astray. If you are having fantasies about having an affair, these are very strong indicators that you need to get your marriage back on track.
There is no Honesty in the Marriage
Often, to avoid an argument or upsetting your partner, you lie to them or tell only half the truth. No matter what your intention is, if that certain piece of truth is found out later, it can blow your marriage apart. Not to mention your partner getting hurt and feeling betrayed. All of this is avoidable if you choose to be honest with each other right from the start.
A good marriage has no room for secrets and lies that can hurt the other. If there was an episode of infidelity in the past, make sure there are none – again. Be cautious and careful about not repeating the same mistake. Be honest to your partner no matter what and try hard to build that trust once again. It will be a time-taking process but be patient and work on it. For example, giving them a digital window to your offline and online activities by using a spouse monitoring app, including Xnspy, is a good start. It will allow them to know where you are and what your activities are. With the help of an app, they will know for sure that there are no more lies coming from your side. When your partner sees you trying to rebuild trust and bring honesty to the marriage once again, it can immensely help in rekindling the relationship. Moreover, if you share an honest relationship, both of you can mutually work on the marriage if any problems arise in the future.
Focusing more on the kids
After marriage, children become our number one priority. There are many other reasons for doing so. Sometimes the parents themselves were neglected when they were little, and they try to give their children the best life they can. In some cases, we see other parents doting on their kids and this eggs us on to do the same.
There is nothing wrong with spending time with your kids, giving them a good life and making sure they become responsible adults in the future. But, making your marriage kid-centric results in the marriage to suffer. Partners become distant and no longer share a bond. Everything is about the kids only. After the children leave home for college or get married, the relationship void becomes too much to bear. The best thing you can do for your children is making the marriage, as a whole, the most important thing in their lives. When parents share a close and loving relationship, children get the most out of it. It also shows children what good marriages are made of.
If you or your spouse pay more attention to the kids rather than each other, see that it does not affect your marital relationship you and your partner share.
Marriage is one of the most profound and rewarding relationships humans share, do not let these subtle and seemingly unimportant signs ruin it.