Is the health of your relationship at risk? In real life it is not like fairy tales, where the story ends before children, fights, and the wear and tear of the relationship as a couple. In fairy tales, you cannot know what happens after the infamous “happily ever after”.
In the reality of life together, there is too much work, domestic concerns, child-rearing, and not enough time for dialogue. And maintaining the health of your relationship amidst so many challenges is a daily exercise in patience.
Dealing with routine is not easy. Fighting the effects of monotony in the relationship is a job that requires dedication and effort from both parties. However, nothing is lost when there is love.
That is why I have separated here some tips on how to improve the love relationship, even in the midst of the turbulence of modern life. Check them out!
1. Don’t let little annoyances go by
Many times, a worn-out relationship is the result of past hurts that did not receive the proper attention. Always talk to each other! There is no harm in discussing the relationship. The famous DR, so badly spoken about, is the most efficient way to solve problems.
Explain to your partner what bothers you, even if it seems small. Small doses of daily nagging can turn into big disagreements in the future. Don’t let this happen.
What’s more, your partner may not even know that what he or she is doing is bothering you. How about making things clear and making sure that these little problems don’t happen again, right?
The sooner we talk, the better it is for the relationship. All behavior is learned, but it is difficult to change something that you do for a long time. So if you don’t like the towel to be thrown on the bed, for example, say so as soon as possible.
2. Set aside some time for you
With the arrival of children, it is common for couples to change their priorities and worry much less about their relationship, which is now no longer just a couple relationship. However, it is essential that there are moments set aside especially for the couple.
Set aside one day a week, or one weekend a month, just for the two of you. Go out to dinner, to the movies, or to something that is pleasurable for both of you and that will give you a break from your hectic family life.
If you don’t have anyone to leave the children with, use the services of nannies from large agencies. This way your children will be with a well-trained professional, with all the safety in the world.
A good tip for an outing is to try to relive your courtship period. Remember that time when you used to go out, go to the mall, eat something, watch a movie, and end the day at the motel, sleeping together?
Recreate those memories, they are special to you. It is thanks to these moments that you and your partner got married.
3. Don’t idealize your partner or your relationship.
People have flaws, and this is a fact that everyone must learn to deal with. Often, people idealize a model and want their partner, or even their relationship, to fit perfectly into it.
It is important to take the time to observe the qualities of the other person. Don’t compare your relationship with others, because the neighbor’s grass will almost always look greener, except to your own neighbor.
Instead of criticizing imperfections, look for beauty in your partner’s actions. If he is a bit messy and fumbles in the kitchen, how about finding this inappropriateness cute instead of annoying?
The more you get to know a person, the more defects will be discovered, but also more qualities will appear. It just depends on you paying attention to the right things and, of course, talking when something really doesn’t suit you (as I talked about in the first tip).
4. Relieve it whenever possible
Is that towel you threw on the bed really a reason to fight? Think about the things that are really important and make a difference in your daily life. Give up discussing what is not essential.
Many relationships end up being worn down by unnecessary petty conflicts. Sometimes you’re just a little stressed out and you end up taking this frustration out on your partner. So think twice before you raise your voice or use harsh words.
Of course, if something bothers you, you should speak up and show your dissatisfaction. But this must be done carefully, without criticism. A simple “honey, I don’t like it when you put the towel on the bed, it makes the mattress wet” is enough.
5. Thank, praise, and apologize
Over the years, some things get lost in relationships. For example, the habit of thanking the other for small kindnesses, or recognizing the merits and even forgiving mistakes.
These three attitudes have a transformative power in the life of any couple. Don’t let them get lost in the routine of life together. Always recognize your partner’s efforts, accept your own mistakes, and understand that the health of your relationship depends on you!
It doesn’t matter if the other person makes the food every day, always thank them and praise the seasoning. The same goes for anything: taking care of the children, giving them affection, taking the dog for a walk, taking out the garbage, buying something, etc.
6. Make little surprises
The great villain of life together is routine. When we kiss goodbye just because “that’s what has to be done”, even it loses its charm. This is very bad, since the marriage becomes robotic and monotonous.
To get away from this repetition, small changes are necessary. When kissing goodbye, for example, how about trying something more intense and longer? Before going to bed, avoid the classic good night and give your partner a tight hug and a kiss on the forehead.
Also, increase the number of small surprises throughout the month. You can make a different meal, buy new underwear, start an activity together – reading the same book and discussing or starting a series, for example – etc.
You can even put on some music and dance around the room. The important thing is to get away from the routine, leave your worries aside, and worry a little less, even if it’s just for an hour.
7. Seek help
The tips I have mentioned so far are very simple, easy to put into practice, and give results almost immediately. However, not all couples are able to take advantage of this.
There are some cases in which the relationship is so strained that small actions, such as the ones I have mentioned here, do not have the impact they should have. If this is the situation in your marriage, it is time to seek help.
If you have tried all the tips above and haven’t seen any results, don’t hesitate to seek psychological counseling. The help of a professional psychologist can help you and your partner understand the root of the problem and find a solution.