The following love letter was sent in by one my regular readers. As she titled the email ‘This is to the one I lost’ and it eloquently expresses her feelings of regret.
Perhaps I am not deserving of this request in your mind and in your heart, but given the love we shared once upon a time, I ask that you please give me five minutes of your time to read the following words. They are important for me to say and for you to hear.
I’ve given up on the notion that I can invent some type of time machine, to go back to the day when I said goodbye and change the outcome. I’ve lived a lifetime of regret since that day and have been unable to forgive myself ever since. For I was different then – impatient, anxious and not knowing where we were headed. I panicked and ran, Steven, and it wasn’t until I ran out of breath that I recognized I ran from the only pure goodness in my life.
While I’ve stayed hopelessly stuck in the past, I recognize that perhaps you have moved on into another relationship. You deserve love – you are such a good man and any woman is truly lucky to have you in her life. I don’t mean to cause any chaos or distress, I mean this from the heart.
But there is the chance that perhaps you haven’t moved on either. I can no longer lie awake at night, picturing myself regretting never having the courage to tell you how I feel. That is the purpose of this letter, to tell you I recognize I have made a terrible mistake. I understand I may have lost you forever, but I cannot spend forever wondering if you would have forgiven me and perhaps come back.
I wish I had the courage to speak to you, face to face. But the truth is, I am so ashamed for the hurt I’ve caused you that pen and paper was the best I could do. I’m sorry for being so weak, but my regrets over breaking up have all but destroyed any self-confidence I used to have. We were meant to be together, Steven – whether on paper or hearing it from my mouth, I hope the message is equally potent and important to you.
I deserve hearing how much I hurt you, but I want you to know that I’ve beaten myself up daily as well, if it offers any solace to you. I wake up each morning hoping it was all a bad dream, picturing you lying next to me, but the bed is empty as is my heart without you in it.
I won’t lie and tell you that this letter isn’t for me as well as for you. I want to heal and begin to live again, too. My hope is that my living again will include you standing next to me, but even if you cannot be in the same place I am emotionally, I need to set myself free, too. I need to know if you feel the same way I do – if there is even the slightest chance you could forgive me and take me back. If not, I need to begin to grieve, but at least I won’t wonder for the rest of my life if you and I could be together once more.
I am so sorry I hurt you. I miss you every day. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I needed to tell you these things, and I pray you feel the same.