Single and looking for a loving relationship? The search is hard enough without the emotional baggage we all bring to the table. Then it gets even more tempting, as we have trouble finding a connection, to buy into the destructive myths and scenarios about love and relationships. That’s why you may want to start by re- evaluating your beliefs and expectations about love especially if you’ve had some painful experiences or you have a poor track record when it comes to loving and meaningful relationships.
Learning how to see the truth in a situation, watch for red flags, and deal with distorted ideas we all have about love, will slowly but surely put you on the path to finding a loving and lasting relationship.
What stands in the way between you and lasting love?
Finding love today is often not that much related to the present time, but has to do with several issues of your past. Perhaps as a child you didn’t have a role model for a loving, healthy and nurturing relationship and so today you doubt that something like this even exists. Or maybe your romantic partnerships until now have been too short and incomplete, maybe you get bored soon after the first honey moon period passes and you have absolutely no idea how to make a relationship last. It is also quite possible that you constantly search in a totally wrong environment, and therefore keep dating people that are not right for you. Whatever the case may be, it is crucial that you see it for what it is and that you believe in your heart of hearts that a healthy and fulfilling relationship does exist for you in the future! Because, guess what? It does! You don’t have to repeat the wrong patterns and follow the distorted ideas you have about relationships any more- and that’s the truth!
That said, it is still very important to acknowledge right from the start of your quest that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship that doesn’t require any work from your behalf or that conflicts will never arise. But to find and a keep a relationship that is actually worth keeping you should start first from re thinking some misconceptions you might have and that might be the real reason why you are still alone.
Myths VS Reality about LOVE
Myth NO. 1:
“I can only be happy, at ease and fulfilled if I’m in a relationship. That’s why it’s better to be in a bad relationship/ a relationship that leaves a lot to be desired instead of being alone”.
Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. Of course there are health benefits that are scientifically proven that come with being in a healthy relationship. BUT there is nothing as unhealthy and as dispiriting as staying in a bad relationship out of fear of being alone. That said, there are numerous people out there that are perfectly happy and fulfilled without being a part of a couple. For them it is especially crucial not to give in to the social stigma that sadly still accompanies being single and not to enter a relationship just to “fit in” .
Myth NO. 2:
If it’s not love at first sight, then it will not lead to a relationship worth pursuing.
This is also a very important myth to dissolve, especially if you fall into the category of people constantly making wrong choices when it comes to romantic relationships. Love at first sight, instant sexual attraction to a person does not necessarily mean that it will lead to lasting love. Most of the times it actually doesn’t, no matter what Hollywood has taught us all these years… Some emotions take time to deepen, but therefore can be much more stable and real. Friends can become lovers and people you didn’t go crazy over from the first glance, can become much more interesting matches for you and lead to a different kind of connection that is worth giving a chance.
Myth NO 3:
Women are different than men when it comes to love.
No. Just plain no. People are people and have similar core emotions and feelings like fear, rage, joy and sadness. The only difference is in the expression of their feelings and that has mostly to do with the social environment that they are being raised in. (Boys don’t cry- good girls don’t express their sexuality etc)
Myth NO 4:
I will change him.
You can’t change anybody but yourself. And nor should you want to change another human being. If you meet someone and your gut tells you that you don’t like some things about him, you have to trust your gut feelings more and go look for another! No one changes unless they WANT to change.
Myth NO 5
I didn’t feel close to my parents so I don’t have a role model of intimacy and I will never be able to change that.
All patterns can change if you want to change them. First you have to acknowledge it for what it is and then you can decide for yourself if you still want this old pattern to affect or even to run your life today or not. It’ s not easy- it has to do with taking charge of your life, so how could it be easy? – but it sure is worth the effort!
After giving all these Myths a serious thought, always remember not to make your search for a relationship the one and only priority of your life. Focus on the things you love and the activities that are vital for your health. Concentrate on your work, your wellbeing and spend time nurturing your relationships with family and friends. Focusing on your happiness will not only keep you in balance, you will also be a much more interesting and beautiful person for someone to meet.