Does cheating always mean the end of a relationship? Some couples manage to survive infidelity and start all over again. Of course, everything depends on a particular situation and sometimes the only way out is to break up. However, there are a number of reasons why you should consider forgiving your man’s affair.
First of all, you need to analyze the situation. If it was an incidental one-night stand, most women would forgive this kind of affair. But if it wasn’t the first time he cheated on you, don’t even think about giving him a second chance because he will definitely do it in future. Also, you need to realize why he did that. For this, put yourself in his shoes and try to understand what he was driven by at that moment. Then, ask yourself whether you can be sure that he won’t do the same in a similar situation.
Take into account one very important aspect – the quality of your relationship at that moment. If you two were going through a tough period, it could be a direct cause of his cheating and you should try to understand him. But if there were no hints signaling that something was wrong, you can’t be sure that he will not cheat again out of the blue. And, perhaps, the most important and decisive argument is his attitude to what he has done. If he sincerely regrets it and feels guilty, you should think about forgiving him.
We should also understand why your partner cheated. Yes, the situation with male and female sexual infidelities are quite different. For instance, recent surveys show that men are more likely to cheat on their partners than women are. Well, it does not surprise people all over the world.
People also have different reasons to become a cheater. It would be right to say that some of these reasons are basically not justifications but poor excuses. Without further ado, let’s look at some of the most popular excuses to cheat on the significant others:
“The relationship was not going that well anyway.” That’s ironic because after you cheat, your relationship will go even deeper down, sinking and agonizing terribly. You see, we sometimes feel that the partnership is about to end. Something just does not work out between two of use and it has to stop. But instead of initiating a dialogue and becoming friends, we prefer to complicate things even more, cheat, lie, offend our significant others etc. Yeah, we cannot understand that behavior either.
“I’m cheating because I was cheated on.” Well, that is a pity. Not only have you become a victim, but you also decided that vendetta is the only possible way to recover your morality. Does it really work that way? Do you feel better after embarking on this revenge? Indeed not. If he or she has cheated on you, the aim is to leave this partnership as soon as possible and never look back at it. Doing the same thing as your cruel soulmate did is not the answer. You should better get rid of such a person in your life instead of sticking to him/her to satisfy yourself.
“I haven’t had enough fun yet!” This one speaks more to men. Sorry, the article about cheating could not avoid sexist topics. The thing is – men have this strange mechanism, some kind of a ‘fun’ bar that they need to fill in order to become mature. We know, it sounds somewhat weird and reminds you of computer games. But it does work. So if you are a man and you have not filled this bar – then carry on, go on and have fun! The world of serious relationships is not going anywhere. But if you have become a part of a couple, be sure to get rid of those boyish patterns.
“Our sex is awful.” We love sex. No, we really do. It gives us amazing blasts of endorphins and energizes our bodies with an unstoppable passion to life. However, some couples don’t get too much of it. Or get none of it. Or even if they do, they just don’t click and the magic does not manage to happen. If you think it’s a good idea to substitute this sphere of your relationships with casual sex with random partners – you are wrong, sorry. The connection you have between you and your partner is the main constituent of happy sex life. You just need to add some tricks like roleplaying, toys, outdoor sex –whatever can turn both of you on.
If some of these reasons fit your story, your partner will probably forgive you. Here is a step-by-step guide on how to rehabilitate your relationship.
- Don’t see each other for some time.
Many women choose the wrong tactics taking their unfaithful partners under their total control. What you should do is to demonstrate that his behavior hurt your feelings and since you respect yourself you can’t take it easy. Live apart for a couple of days because you need to stay alone for a while and sort the things out. Or if you don’t share an apartment, stop seeing each other for some time.
- Meet up.
After spending some time apart, call him to tell that you need to ask him some questions. If he is ready to answer all your questions, arrange a meeting. At the end of that meeting, you should have a clear understanding of whether your relationship is worth saving. If you feel you have a future, get back together.
- Build your relationship a new.
You should forget about your sad experience and start building your relationship from scratch keeping in mind that your couple has withstood such a challenge as infidelity. Be ready that you will feel angry and insecure at times – it’s normal and you’ll cope with it. Rebuilding trust is not an easy task but if you two are ready to work on it, you’ll succeed.
- Become better.
If you know the reason why he cheated on you and realize that it was partially your fault, be ready to change in order not to repeat the same mistakes. Probably, he was looking for something new so discuss it together and help each other to find a solution.
Somehow, this guide does not always work. At times, we need something more to be forgiven. That’s when it comes to unconventional actions. Such beautiful gestures are not only good in movies. Believe it or not, but a thousand and one crimson roses would melt any girl’s heart. An extraordinary action might be something enormously expensive or, on the other hand, something simple but meaningful. Just think about what may amaze your partner.
No matter who cheated on whom, one of the most important steps towards renovating your relationships is an honest and meticulous dialogue.
It must happen in several days of even a week after the affair was revealed. You need no argues and scandals – your aim is to decide whether you want to move on or you should be better off as two. To make this conversation more efficient, you should get the answers to several important questions. First, you need to ask about how everything happened and why. You might need this information to help your relationship flourish again.
By cheating, people often substitute the feeling of excitement they don’t get enough of in the relationship. Of course, some of the facts might distress or shock you, so you should be ready to hold up your emotions. Later, you need to explain how you feel. It does not mean you need to cry your eyes out and scream repeatedly until it aches. On the contrary, you have to explain how you feel about his/her betrayal. Yes, exactly, cheating is always a betrayal.
If you are on the same page about reviving your relationships, you need to move on to planning how to make things work again. It’s something like business planning, however, you won’t be able to predict the outcomes. It also includes setting some kind of rules. If the woman is a coworker, does your significant other have to quit his job? Many relationship therapists say yes. You also need to recreate your communication, make it more honest and trustworthy.
You will later on be able to enhance your relationships in several different ways. For instance, you may choose a hobby and attend the classes together. The thing is – an affair is a type of breakdown, and to reveal what you had before, you need to learn each other together. Maybe you’ve grown distant because you feel like you have nothing in common and nothing to talk about. Read books together, watch movies and series together, share your impressions and thoughts. In this way, you will indeed build trust and feelings again. All you need is a reasonable effort and a mutual desire to make it all work. Wish you a good luck!