Today, violence takes completely different forms. There are thousands of domestic violence forms in our society. It is customary to blame the victims of violence that they themselves are to blame for provoking such an attitude towards themselves. In this article, we are going to tell you about emotional abuse in relationships.
They often try to prove to us that since a tyrant man does not harm others and shows his charisma and gallantry in public, he is not a tyrant at all. This woman exaggerates because how such a cultured person could break her nose. Or, in extreme cases, she made him crazy, provoked him, and he had no choice but to hit her.
The first time a partner shows his guise and begins to suppress/humiliate/beat you, you become angry, resist, and then you get used to living in such conditions. But remember: this is your choice. Relationships in which a woman is abused can fit perfectly into the triangle where you are the victim, your partner is the chaser, and the rescuer is the one you are trying to attract to help. But the essence of this triangle is that everyone feels comfortable in the chosen role. And you live in similar cycles: he hit you/cheated on you/got drunk and called names in public, and then he crawls on his knees with a gift.
This can be anything: a ring, fur coat, a weekend in Europe, or a trip to a restaurant. It depends on how rich your chosen one is. In any case, he will pamper you, and this nice compensation is your secondary benefit, a conciliation prize for the experienced humiliation.
You enjoy the “dose” of emotions. A cocktail of humiliation, pity, anxiety, flavored with adrenaline, is addictive. If after your quarrels, you still have a taste of humiliation that you enjoy, and your best sex is conciliatory sex, then you are “on the hook.” It’s a shame that we really get accustomed to such relationships and look for them again and again.
Hiding from others that your man is a tyrant is difficult. You are struggling to prove that you are all right, but then he gives you a bruise under your eye. Or he says that you are stupid at the festive dinner in front of all the relatives. With tears in your eyes, you begin to explain to them that he is simply having a difficult period at work, high emotional stress, but he is very caring and sweet. You think that he will get a promotion soon and stop humiliating. But months and years go by, but treating you with disdain remains the norm for him.
You carefully choose words, dispense information, fearing to be guilty and anger your loved one. This causes terrible stress and may even cause problems with your health. You live, expecting a physical or psychological blow at any time. After all, any wrong step can lead to punishment. You are not aware of your feelings and needs, pushing them into the background. Justifying your partner and blaming yourself, ignoring your needs and desires in his favor, you unconsciously hope to appease him. You are no stranger to suppressing your desires, agreeing to have sex when you do not want, spending time as he likes, meeting the needs of the partner.
Healthy boundaries in a relationship are a mysterious phenomenon. They are not visible and cannot be touched, but they are of great importance to us. Psychological boundaries are the understanding of one’s own self which is separate from others. Inside the borders, there is everything that makes up your ego: body, feelings, intellect, character, abilities, values, behavior, desires, etc. Every person has borders; they are formed in childhood, in the process of education, communication, and socialization.
The best way to get out of a relationship with a tyrant is to admit to yourself that you are hooked and take on the role of the sacrifice first of all with the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist. You can save your personality and destroy a dangerous relationship.