Getting over a break up is easier said than done. Those who experience it, feel like no one else in the world has ever felt the same way.
Most people will tell you that you’ll get over it in time or you’ll meet someone else. Right, time may heal, but how long will it take? Who wants to spend ten years in such pain and agony?
Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional ~ M. Kathleen Casey
Let’s stop a moment to contemplate it. Can you see how true it is? But we often choose to bury ourselves in distress and despair.
Getting over a break up can only be as hard as you wish. Indeed the pain of losing a relationship is unbearable, especially if you are not the one who chose to break up. Its intense is often so high that psychologists concur that it is like going through grief.
But actually, there is always a way you can take so that you don’t have to suffer for too long. All it takes is just your strong determination to be whole again and to accept the reality as it is.
What To Do To Get Over a Break Up
There are several steps you need to do to get over a breakup. They’re not hard, but you need to be willing and determined. You’ll also have to switch your mindset a bit and improve your self-esteem. Here they are:
Examine your heart.
First, look into the depth of your heart and find out what it is, the real thing, that makes you feel miserable? Is it because you still love him/her? Or Anger? Or is it because you feel rejected and unworthy?
Consider the reasons of the breakup.
You might think there were no good reasons, but usually there were. This will help you to avoid making the same mistakes in your future relationships.
It takes two to tango.
Understanding this will help a lot in getting over a break up. Whatever you feel and think about the reasons of the breakup, if the relationship was not what both of you and your partner wanted for life, it will eventually end no matter what. Every relationship needs two parties to start… but only requires one to dissolve!
Give yourself time.
In getting over a break up, you need to give yourself time to heal. Give yourself time at least until you can calm yourself and not thinking so much about him/her: Keep the distance from him/her, even if you two agree to stay friends. This includes not seeing each other, no phone calls, no text, no emails, not being around his/her family… and so forth.
Restore your self-esteem
Tell yourself that you’re a good person despite the mistakes that you might had made. Everybody makes mistakes, right?
Switch your mindset.
Convince yourself that you don’t need anybody else to be happy. Make repeated affirmation to yourself so that it can be internalized in your subconsciousness. Realize this fact: no relationship can make anyone happy unless he/she’s happy with him/herself!
Learn to love yourself more.
Nobody’s capable of loving others unless he loves himself first. Even God implied that when He told us to love our fellow men as we love ourselves.
The breakup might have torn up your pride and/or self-confidence. But if you learn to love your own self more, you’ll value yourself better and thus boosting your self-confidence and self-esteem.
Share your feelings.
Find a family or friend that you can trust and share your feelings with him/her. That could mean talking over all that you feel. Having a good cry on the shoulder of a comforting friend or family member can make you feel much better.
For you guys, if you feel too awkward to share it with your buddies, find the one that you feel safe to share such as a counselor or a teacher. Sharing your feelings is good for getting over a break up like you are experiencing now.
Do the activities that can take your mind off the hurt.
Hang out with friends, going to the movie or any other activities that you like.
Take a good care of yourself
Your heart might be broken, but don’t let your body get broken, too. Eat healthy foods, sleep a lot and exercise regularly. The fitness of your body can minimize stress and boost your self esteem.
Set a life goal.
Set a life goal for yourself, independent from your relationship. People with a purpose in life survive better through all difficulties.
Learn to control your mind.
Inability to control mind is the main reason why many people caught in vicious cycle of self pity and negative thoughts. It only makes them worse, prolong their pain and sufferings. Getting over a break up will be much easier if you have the skills to control your mind.
Be more extrovert.
Research shows that extrovert people handle stresses better than introvert ones. Their ability to express themselves helps them a lot in their difficult times while introvert ones usually focus only on what they own feelings and mind which is very fatal during a break up.
Of course it is not easy to change personality type. But at the least, you can always learn to be more open to people. Being more expressive helps a lot in many areas, including in getting over a break up.
Let it go.
No use to carry the emotional baggage from your past relationships. It will only hold you back from having the joy of future relationships. You might think that by doing it, you are protecting yourself from being hurt again. But in fact, it will only lock you up in your prison of fear.
It’s true that putting trust in someone new is risky. But by holding back you prevent yourself from reaping the precious rewards of an intimate relationship.
Losing a relationship with whom we always love is hard. But life must go on. Don’t indulge yourself too long in self pity and empty hope. Rise up and learn from your mistakes. No matter how good or bad our situation is, we can always learn something from it!