Jealousy is not something that rarely found in relationships, in any human relations. It can be found among romantic partners, siblings, work colleagues, classmates, etc. Although this article will mainly focus on how to deal with jealousy in romantic relationships, the principles can also be applied in dealing with other types of jealousy/envy.
Yes, as stated above, jealousy is common in relationships. But even though it is common, we should never use that commonality as an excuse to justify our jealousy.
There are several signs of jealousy that we can use. If we find that we are jealous, we should try to get rid of that jealous emotion as soon as possible, as best as we can. Why? Because if not – if we let that jealousy/envy feeling to grow without any attempt to deal with it – soon enough we will find that it has become too big to conquer.
It is not for nothing people call jealousy as a green-eyed monster. Just like the monster Godzilla destroys anything in its path as we’ve seen in the TVs, jealousy will and can harm virtually everything of value in our lives: not only our relationships, but also our own personality and mental health.
So, if you have problem with jealousy – whether you are the jealous person or it is your partner who is jealous – then do the right thing: control your jealousy and deal with it correctly. Don’t let jealousy overrun and control you or your partner!
How to Deal with Jealousy
So, how to deal with jealousy? Browse the steps below.
Find out the thing that makes you jealous.
Stop a while and think over. Find out what it is, exactly, that makes you feel jealous. Is it because you think you see him/her flirting with another of the opposite sex? Or is it because you see someone deems your partner attractive and that makes you very uncomfortable?
Or, if it is not a romantic jealousy, is it about his/her possessions that make you jealous? Or is it his/her beauty and popularity that make you envy of him/her?
More than often you will find that the root of your jealousy is actually in yourself, not outside of you. Do you know why? Because that’s the essence of jealousy: fear! And fear always comes from within.
Or, if you are not the one who is jealous, try to analyze what it is that can possibly make your partner jealous, then go on to the next step to confirm it. Or, if you are a man, read this article about how to deal with a jealous girlfriend.
Open the communication channel.
When a person feel jealous, he/she tends to hide it. In fact, virtually nobody will be willingly admit his/her jealousy even to his/her closest ones.
On the other hand, the partner of the jealous person usually reacts in the similar pattern: concealing more things from his/her jealous partner in order to avoid more problems, especially if the jealousy has become annoying.
But doing this will only make things worse. This is not the right way in dealing with jealousy. This subject on how to deal with jealousy requires openness in both parties of the relationship.
Learn to think more positively.
A jealous person tends to put the worst spin on everything that happens. This is typical. You must be willing to break this habit if you want to be successful in dealing with jealousy.
Realize this: thinking that way won’t do any good to you. It will only make you feel miserable for nothing. How to deal with jealousy without positive thinking? Impossible! So, discipline and train yourself in the positive and optimistic thinking.
If he/she does not return your call, for instance, there are many other probable causes such as battery dies or he/she is in a blank spot area. It does not have to mean that he/she no longer cares for you or he/she already has somebody else beside you.
Learn to trust.
Trust is the key in dealing with jealousy in a romantic relationship. Would you like it if your partner distrusts you? If you wouldn’t then he/she would not like it, too.
For most people, a relationship without trust is not something that is worthy to defend. So, if you are not willing to trust him/her and later he/she finds out about it, you would risk losing him/her for he/she would deem that the relationship is not worthy to keep.
In addition, your distrust will make you – without you even realize it – behave very controllingly to your partner. This in turn will make him/her sick and tired of you.
So, learning to trust is one of the most important thing that you must do in this “how to deal with jealousy” project!
Learn to value yourself more.
Romantic jealousy, unless backed up by real proof/evidence on his/her infidelity, always roots in fear. Fear of losing, or fear of being dumped for somebody else, that is! And that fear inbred from the low self-esteem and low self-confidence.
The phases are like this: low self-esteem will bring low of self-confidence with it. Low of self-confidence then will naturally invite fear, many forms of fear: fear of rejection, fear of losing, fear of the future, and so forth. And that fear, when the time and condition is right, will rear it ugly head as jealousy.
To make things worse, for men, jealousy also serves as a sign of needy men. Being needy is one of the fastest way a man can do to chase a girl away!
Thus, it is imperative that you deal with your low self-esteem first to be free from jealousy. It is undeniably true that without ample self-esteem, your attempts to overcome jealousy would only be like trying to shoot an enemy with empty shells in a war.
Build your self-confidence
Self confidence goes hand-in-hand with self-esteem. While you build your self-esteem, your self-confidence will be built, too.
But in the mean time, there are some simple tricks that you can use to help boost your self-confidence, at least temporarily: by doing some sports to make your body fit and by getting yourself well groomed and adorned. By being more confident about yourself, you will be less jealous and dealing with jealousy in the long run would be easier.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
This is the thing that insecure people always do: comparing themselves with others. They are too focus to their flaws (or anything that they think they are their shortcomings). This will not help at all.
Realize this: everybody has his/her own pluses and minuses. Comparing yourself to others will only create a false sense of self-worth. Always keep in mind that you are different, you are unique. You may lack in one area, but there must be another area where you excel beyond others… if only you were not blinded by your low self-esteem to see it.
This is an important thing to do in dealing with jealousy: if you find yourself comparing yourself to somebody else, then do yourself a favor, stop it. Focus on your positive qualities instead.
Turn your jealousy into something positive.
Jealousy is a very strong emotion. It is very powerful. No wonder we often read and hear how someone who was overrun by jealousy do extreme things such as beating his partner or even killing. Jealousy can also “paralyze” its sufferer, makes him/her doing nothing else except crying and/or self-pitying in hopelessness.
So, instead of doing all that unproductive things like that, why don’t you try to do something more positive such as gardening or cleaning the house? This will help you a lot in dealing with your jealousy.
Those are the steps you need to do in your endeavor to overcome jealousy. If you find yourself jealous, don’t tarry: take control over your jealousy and don’t let jealousy control you.