The No Contact rule is very important when you are going through a break up. If only it was that easy. No contact is usually hard when you keep thinking about your ex. You start to wonder whether they miss you, what they’re doing (or getting into) and who they’re doing it with. Before you know it you’re dialing your ex’s number and at the same time rationalizing your need for contact. No contact IS hard and can make you feel even more miserable than the actual break up. In this article I’m going to show you how to do no contact with an ex and still feel good doing it.
But first, why do we need to do no contact again?
Why Is No Contact So Important?
No contact is important for both you and your ex.
By doing no contact, you are communicating (ironic, huh?) to your ex that you are comfortable with the break up. No contact improves you as a person.
This works better than constantly being around them asking for another chance or getting in their way when they really want to be left alone. This type of behavior tells your ex that they are the ones who ultimately decides whether or not you should be together. Since they already chose to break up, then they’d usually stick with that decision because begging and pleading can be quite annoying.
Additionally, giving yourself a break from your ex can help you get your emotions together and help you heal. You first need to get over your ex in order to be ready to get your ex back.
For your ex, you doing no contact can be beneficial to them as it gives them time to miss you. It doesn’t matter if your ex left you for someone else. It’s either no contact or constantly being in their way.
In addition to doing no contact you will also need a plan of action for getting your ex back. In other words, what do you do once you’re ready? I suggest reading T.W. Jackson’s The Magic of Making Up. You can see a review of his guide here.
There are some situations that will make it even harder to really do no contact. These are situations in which you will inevitably have to come into contact with your ex.
While this isn’t what we really want, as soon as you understand how no contact works to help you get your ex back, you’ll see how this can be turned into a good thing.
- You have kids together
- You live together
- You work together
- You go to the same church/gym/school etc.
However, even if you are in one of these situations, it is best if you try to avoid all contact with your ex until you can truly get over your ex and get yourself ready for a reconciliation.
How To Do No Contact (And Enjoy Doing It)
No contact involves improving yourself and getting over your ex (in other words emotionally preparing yourself for reconciliation).
This isn’t so easy to do if you’re constantly thinking about your ex and spending all your time by yourself (at home watching tv or on Facebook).
Here are some suggestions on how you should be spending this no contact period to really achieve your goals and enjoy it.
1. Remove All Reminders of Your Ex
By removing all the reminders of your ex, you will lessen the amount of time spent thinking about them.
Get a box and put all the pictures, gifts and anything else that reminds your of your ex. Seal the box and put it in a storage facility or give a trusted friend to hold on to. Or simply store it in the attic. You don’t want to see the box either.
2. Have Fun With Friends
Having fun with friends can lessen the amount of time spent thinking about your ex as well. It’s much better if these friends aren’t mutual friends of both you and your ex.
Go to the beach, the club, a ballgame, take a trip somewhere or whatever fun stuff you can think of. Try to reduce the amount of time you spend alone.
3. Improve Your Appearance
Have a new haircut you want to try? Then do it. If you wore your hair long, then cut them short – but you have to be sure that you’re doing this for YOU and not for your ex.
Hit the gym and tighten up those abs or lose a couple pounds or put on some muscle. You can even do this with a friend and enjoy yourself even more.
It would also be a great idea to replace your old clothes with new ones.
4. Learn a New Skill
Now is a great time to take up a hobby or learn something new. Not only will this take your mind off your ex by occupying your brain but you will also become passionate about something other than your relationship.
- Take a dance class
- learn an instrument / or start a band
- learn how to DJ
- learn a sport
- Take a self defense class or learn karate
- Learn how to cook an exotic meal
- Kayaking in the great outdoors
Immersing yourself in the great outdoors not only allows you to meet other great people; the fresh air and busy environment is good for your health and it keeps your brain busy allowing you to take your mind of your ex.
You can go hiking with a hiking club or mountain biking.
Or go kayaking on a lake or river.
Whatever you do, get out of the house as much as possible and have some fresh air.
6. Date Other People
This is a very powerful move. If you’re wondering whether this will hurt your chances of getting your ex back then you’re still thinking of your ex as the one who decides whether you should have a relationship or not.
You should date other people while on no contact. Dating other people can communicate to your ex that you have moved on. It let’s them know that they might have lost out on a great person since other people also want to be with you.
This can get them thinking that they might have made a mistake. Once you’ve decided to do no contact, you can start dating other people.
In a case where, as mentioned above, you cannot avoid not getting into contact with your ex, this can work out well for you.
Also, even though you may want your ex back now, you may meet someone great and decide that you want to keep dating that person instead. So whether you get your ex back or you decide to date someone else, you’ll end up happy.
How To Get Your Ex Back With No Contact
It’s great knowing how to do no contact and everything but what you really want is to get your ex back. No contact alone won’t help you achieve this goal.
T.W. Jackson has a great plan of action called The Magic of Making Up in which he guides you through the process of getting back with your ex – what you should do and what you shouldn’t as well as how everything works.
Jackson’s guide has helped lots of people all over the world with their relationships and can help you as well. You can read my review of Magic of Making Up where I tell you about what’s in the guide and how it can help.
The Magic of Making Up + No Contact can better your chances of getting your ex back than if you did nothing at all.