Breaking up with a partner is an emotional time for everyone. We are social beings and thrive on our relationships with other. In fact, a single human being left alone in the wilderness with no contact with other humans would struggle to survive. So, when one of our relationships deteriorates and breaks down – especially one that’s charged with such strong emotions as love and sexual attraction – it can be very damaging to our mental health. And this affects both sides of the relationship regardless of who initiated the breakup.
What can lessen this damage to your psyche is the knowledge that he’ll be missing you. If you want to increase this feeling and make absolutely certain that he will miss you after a breakup, then follow these five guidelines and watch as he eagerly insists that you get back together; and you will be in the driving seat to tell him whether you want to or not.
Do Not Make Contact Whatsoever
You must cease all contact with him. That means do not message him on Facebook, do not call him, do not send him a text message, do not email him, and certainly do not wait for him at his place of work and jump out from behind a plant “unexpectedly”. Do not do any of that. I know this may be particularly difficult during those times when you are thinking about him and remembering what it was like to be together. But your memories are skewed during this emotion period. Be strong and call upon all of your willpower not to pick up your phone and contact him.
More often than not, the outcome of this no contact rule is that he will be desperate to hear from you. The longer you can go without texting, messaging, calling and emailing him, the more he will miss you and probably try to initiate conversations by contacting you. When this happens, you know you are in a great position because you now have the power. You are now able to decide what happens from here. If you wish for him to miss you even more, then you know you should continue to cease contact. While doing so, begin the next step in this guide.
Get In Shape
When you look good, you feel great. Working out and eating the right food makes you feel fantastic because your brain is releasing body boosting hormones that make everything right in the world. Strenuous workouts also have a knock on effect to other areas of your life such as an increase in energy and the ability to get things done. Without him and thanks to your new physique, you’ve been able to do things you had been putting off. But the greatest benefit is how you look.
It really doesn’t matter what you looked like when you met. It also isn’t important how you looked before the breakup. What matters at this moment in time is how great you can look since the breakup. You want to become the greatest version of you that has ever been and ever will be. When the inevitable moment comes when he gets to see your transformation, he’ll be so floored at your amazing figure and the energy flowing from your spirit that he’ll wish he fought to ensure he never let you go.
Don’t Care About Him
Just as important as the rule of no contact is the way you talk to yourself about him. In those thousand or so conversations you have with yourself in your head, you will go back and forth between missing him and not caring about him, using many old memories to justify each feeling. The first step in making him miss you and not the other way round is to be aware of these thoughts when they happen. The next step is then to focus on the second type of thought and put more energy on the reasons why you don’t care about him.
However, it is vital that you do so in a positive way. For example, “I don’t care about him because I look better than I ever did before and now I can focus on all the things I wanted to achieve without him” or “He doesn’t matter to me anymore but I’ll bet he misses me so much it hurts”. Plus, by saying phrases such as these while enjoying social gatherings with your friends – more about that in the next section – then you’ll further reduce your concern for your ex.
Build A Social Life
As mentioned before, our social relationships are the biggest part of our lives (whether introverted people agree with that statement or not is irrelevant to what we’re talking about here). Therefore, the best way to improve your mental health during this painful period is to enhance your other social relationships. So now is the perfect time to get out there, reconnect with friends, and start making new ones.
With regards to making him miss you, being present in lots of social events and nights out with friends not only helps you not care about him but also gives you a boost of happy hormones. When he hears from friends you both have about how happy you have been without him and all the fun you’ve been having lately, he’ll wish he was able to share those times with you. But it is imperative that you are careful with alcohol because time and again it has been known to compel people to contact ex partners.
If you have managed to break off all contact, started getting into shape and eating well, stopped caring about him, and increased your social life, then you may be ready for the next step: making him jealous. Jealousy involves some very subtle actions and the possibility of some very questionable acting skills to make him miss you. For example, post images of a night out you had with friends and the photo includes a male friend standing next to you who your ex doesn’t know but will likely see when he checks your page is a good way to build jealousy.
Be careful not to get too carried away with posting these types of images, however. Posting an image with you sandwiched between two handsome strange men while holding a large cocktail will give him a reason not to miss you and give the opposite impression of how good your life has been recently. Keep the images subtle and make sure you never fully explain your images to him if he asks. Instead, say he’s a friend of a friend and leave it at that. The mystery will drive him crazy.