If you have abandonment issues that are the result of a parental divorce or someone leaving you in the past, itís important not to let them affect your current relationship. Many people have these issues, as they are fairly common. If you want to have the healthiest possible relationship, however, it is important that you learn what exactly you need to do. Everyone has abandonment issues to some extent, but the important thing you need to know is how to deal with them properly.
Donít Try to Turn Your Partner into Someone Else
It is perfectly okay to love the person you are with very intensely, but you donít want to attempt to turn them into someone else completely. If you keep forcing him to satisfy this ridiculous ideal standard in your head, you will just end up pushing him away. You need to let the other person be who they are uninhibited. A lot of women have issues with this, though some men do it as well.
You Should Take Full Responsibility for your Own Issues
While your partner will most likely want to help you with your issues, you are ultimately responsible. It is important that you do not try to put these issues on them, because they are yours and only yours. The moment that you claim this responsibility, the more mature you will become. Your partner will very quickly get tired of you always trying to force them into the role of the fixer, because itís not what they are there for.
Start Working on Improving Your Self-Confidence
The more self-confident you are, the fewer problems your abandonment issues will create. There are lots of effective ways to do this, including not doing things that make you feel weak. The more we give into our every impulse, the weaker we feel as people. You should make it your goal to build up your self confidence as much as you can.
Donít be too Needy
When you start becoming overly needy, you are causing an imbalance in the relationship that can be really destructive. Nobody wants to be with someone who is constantly trying to get their attention and then getting upset when they donít always get it. Try to keep your issues in the past where they belong so they donít end up poisoning your relationship.
Start Communicating More Effectively
When you start to have paranoid thoughts of getting abandoned, it is important that you share them with him. It can be extremely difficult to open up about these feelings, but it is very important that you do anyway. This will prevent your issues from overtaking your relationship and crushing any hope of happiness together. Chances are you will both feel a lot better at the end of the conversation.
Donít Be too Hard on Yourself
You do need to take responsibility for your own issues, but that doesnít mean you should beat yourself up. It is important to realize that you are human and that you are going to make some mistakes along the way. Make sure that you remind yourself you are only human once in a while. Nobody is perfect and the best you can do is to make an effort to overcome your issues on a daily basis.
Accept Yourself for Who You Are
A lot of people confuse accepting yourself with not trying to change or improve yourself, when that is not the case. Before you can start to really grow as a person, you need to accept who you are completely. You are flawed just like anyone else, but that doesnít mean you cannot change if you really want to. It might take a while and some hard work, but chance is very possible. When you really accept who you are, you wonít constantly struggle with having these issues. It will be much easier to just focus on being a better and stronger person.
Stop Projecting Your Insecurities on Your Partner
One of the most common things that people with abandonment issues do is to project their own insecurities on their partner. You need to make sure that you arenít doing this, because it is a very quick way to kill the relationship for good. You shouldnít assume that your partner is the same way you are, because they most likely arenít. They are a separate person and you should remember to treat them as such.
Realize That You are Worthy of Love
You should tell yourself that you are worthy of being loved just like anyone else on a daily basis. The more you do this, the easier it will become to accept. People with abandonment issues have big problems with believing that they deserve love, which is why itís so important to tell yourself this. Look in the mirror every day and say it out loud. Eventually it will become so second nature that you will firmly believe it, as you should.
Know When to Stop Leaning on Your Partner
There is absolutely nothing wrong with turning to your partner for emotional support, but you donít want to overwhelm them. It is crucial that you recognize when you are being too clingy and needy. You should be able to recognize the difference between going to your partner for support and trying to get them to fix you.
Learn from your Mistakes
If you get into an argument with your partner over some mistake that you made, it is important that you learn from it and move on. Those who donít learn from their mistakes will just keep repeating them over and over until they finally do. Unfortunately, it may be too late for your relationship if you fail to learn from your mistakes in a timely manner. Recognize your unhealthy behavior that is a result of your abandonment issues so you donít do it again. You are going to slip up sometimes, but the important part is that you are making a real effort.