There are dozens of things that easily make us indiscriminately jealous and wake up a dormant caveman inside us.
- we are jealous when our girlfriend gets flirted with and hit on a lot. We believe, she is ours! Besides, no one ever flirts with us.
- we are jealous of how easy it is for my girlfriend to make new friends. We feel as though we are going to get left behind.
- some are jealous because their girlfriend has a rich family.
- some are jealous because she can sleep for more than 6 hours consistently when they wake up every 4-5 hours for no reason.
- some are jealous because their girlfriend loves their dog more than she loves his man.
- we get jealous when our girlfriend goes alone to the gym. All we can think about is how many guys are trying to get at her.
- we are jealous when our girlfriend says she’s been hanging out with other guys. We may trust her completely, but we don’t like it when it is not us she is hanging out with.
The reasons can various. Thus, if you are insecure about another guy, you need to know that you are not the only one who faces such a problem.
My personal experience.
My girlfriend used to hang out with her male friend once or twice a month for about a year. I don’t want you to think that I was this stupid guy and was overreacting. Not even close! I simply told my girlfriend about my feelings on that matter. She said that it was nothing to worry about. Cool but not calm! I could not help but be nervous. It’s not that I thought she was cheating. I trust her and love her more than anything (as oppose to this other guy – her friend). I trusted neither him nor his intentions… You know what I mean? What if he was in love with her? I didn’t want my girl to get hurt and I didn’t want her to lose a friend, especially this way.
Nowadays, we live our happy life together. I’m not suspicious about this stuff anymore. Besides, I’m grateful to my friends who did their best to cheer me up and to shower me with the tips on that matter.
Recommendations on the matter.
I know this is difficult to resist the temptation to turn the guy into a bloody pulp when you see him smiling and sweet-talking to your girlfriend. However, you live in a 21 century. Don’t consider your girl as your property. You don’t want to hurt her feelings and lose her friend, do you? Keep down your inner caveman and stay out of this unreasonable shoot-out. All the bad stuff we do, we do instinctively. Have you ever experienced this feeling when you regret doing some stuff? It’s not a unique thing, especially for hot-tempered people.
Slow down. No hasty measures! Think about it, even if your girl is actually cheating on you with this male friend, you will need to get facts first. It’s not a big deal to blame someone you love in infidelity. And it is much more difficult to say sorry for the false blaming. Don’t be indiscriminately jealous unless you are 100% sure that your beloved lies to you or hides her romance with a friend. Besides, if your girl feels nothing about this guy and you tell her that you don’t want her to see him, you will sound like a jealous jerk.
We are not in medieval age. It is totally fine if we have friends of all genders. How would you feel if someone put you in a cage or, even worse, check if the cage is locked every 15 minutes? Right, it should feel terrible. The same is about your girlfriend. If you show her your control and your unreasonable jealousy, she will feel trapped. Think about how often we start dating a bright and sociable girl and end up with the attempts to make her wearing hijab. Why not to date a mouse from the very beginning in this case?
My recommendation is that you don’t push the situation too much. Don’t present her a strict rule saying that she cannot hang out with male friends anymore. Cross that bridge when you come to it! In other words, make sure you investigate each case individually. Don’t trust your intuition or instincts immediately. I’m not saying that you should stop listening to your heart and your sixth sense at all. However, it is better to know the background and investigate the case before making any decisions on that matter, especially if you don’t want to lose your beloved. It is essential to be able to distinguish the affection and the milk of human kindness. Now, if you see the signs of her affection, raise the subject. The discussion may help even in difficult cases.
Besides, it is quite normal for a couple both being jealous and being attracted to other people, unless you are both the ugliest people in the world. Of course, a flirting girl and a jealous guy are the less pleasant part of romantic relationships but sometimes it is just impossible to avoid such stuff in relationships. This is when communication and compromises work best. Don’t hide your feelings. It happens that even when investigations don’t show any signs of cheating, you don’t feel any better. Thus, try letting it go. A good conversation with your beloved woman may help you doing it. Or you may come to a certain compromise, for example.
How to provide the investigation? Where do I start?
Of course, there is no need in hiring a detective to find proves of your girlfriend’s infidelity. Everything is much easier. Just think of a smile she had on her face when you first met each other. Do you remember her shining eyes during your first date? I bet you know your girl’s behavior well enough. Therefore, it should not be too difficult for you to understand whether she is attracted to him by analyzing her facial expression when she receives a text from him. Does her lovely smile occur when she is reading a text from him? Is she excited about him? Does she try keeping her poker face when speaking about him? If yes, you won’t work it out unless you talk to her.
Talk to your girl – say that you trust her and explain that it seems that their friendship is getting too close. Ask your beloved to maybe suggest the friend stop hanging out solo. If it seems good for three of you, you really have nothing to worry about.
Don’t let your emotions overwhelm you!