How to Tell if Your Man is Addicted to Porn

Porn addiction is a fairly new concept, but it is quite a common one nowadays. Since adult entertainment has become more mainstream as internet speeds and smartphones have made it possible to watch porn anywhere, men (and women) have been consuming more of it. For their partners, this can be a cause for concern. Perhaps it’s because of their less attentive behavior or because they feel that they cannot compete with the women (or men) in the material their partner is watching. Either way, it can tear a relationship apart.

Here is how to tell if your man is addicted to porn and what to do about it.

TED Talk About Porn Addiction and How it Relates in the Bedroom

A now infamous TED Talk covered the taboo subject of porn addiction, why it happens, and what effect it has. The speaker, Gary Wilson, confirmed from his research that porn affects the human brain and the sexual response that a person consuming porn has for their partner.

In summary, he found that the sexual experience with their partner, which is filled with highs and lows of arousal, doesn’t compare well to the frequent highs when watching porn. This essentially retrains the consumer’s brain to only respond to high arousal situations, which makes it more difficult for the porn watcher to get aroused by a human partner. This actually leads us to the next point.

Poor Sex Life

The finding from the Ted Talk is useful because it can provide one reason why a partner is no longer willing to have sex or is not getting aroused enough by it. It might not be the only or main reason why, but it’s certainly a possibility to consider.

If you feel that your husband or boyfriend is not as connected to the lovemaking sessions as he used to be, and you know for a fact, or have been suspecting that he watches a lot of sexual content on a daily basis, he is most likely suffering from the effects of porn addiction.

Blocks of Time Disappear Due to Being Glued to Adult Material

There’s a healthy difference between someone who watches 15-minutes of adult material every few nights as a novelty, versus another person who consumes several hours of it on a daily basis. If they’re consuming it several times a day, that certainly would seem to be an addiction and not casual use.

Indeed, watching porn can be shared as a couple or enjoyed separately. However, when it’s done in private and in secret, then it’s more of an issue for the other partner who feels left out or jealous. Women need attention far more than men, so it’s difficult for him to understand that taking some of his focus away from her and onto his porn watching would be something she’d care about.

New Sexual Cravings Have Developed in Him

There is an old saying about how we want what we see, and that saying is particularly true when it comes to carnal desires.

In case he has been seeking to be involved in new sexual fantasies or acts that he was not into before, it is very likely that your husband or boyfriend has seen it in a pornographic movie somewhere.

If it is an act or fantasy that makes you particularly uncomfortable, do not hesitate to speak out and be clear about it. It is one thing to encourage and be involved in new sexual explorations together, and entirely another when that involvement causes you significant discomfort in some way.

The Psychological Connection in between the Two of You is Taking a Hit

It might be hard to connect the dots when you don’t know about it, but without the physical intimacy, which is a very big part of being a couple, the psychological bonds might fall away to a great degree as well.

A detached and distant partner is one of the first signs that indicate a cracking relationship, but whether or not that rift is being brought about by porn is hard to tell, but not impossible. Consider the following methods which are usually very successful in revealing whether porn is to blame here.

  • Ask yourself if you can find a definite reason (other than porn addiction) which can be attributed to the coldness.
  • Ask him directly about it; men are often more comfortable with direct approaches than women.
  • Check the history of the sites he has surfed, by contacting your ISP; you know what to look for!
  • Talk about watching porn together playfully and see how he reacts to that.
Has He Been Criticizing Your Body or Sexual Performance Lately?

It’s never nice when a man criticizes his woman’s body frequently, and it’s only natural for you to get angry. However, just like developing new sexual desires, this criticization might be originating from the fact that he is watching way too much professional pornography.

Once again, that aforementioned theory of “we want what we see” comes into play since the association of carnal desires to porn actresses are leading your partner to act in this uncharacteristic and annoying way.

The same is true when he starts to criticize sexual performance as well. While it’s never a bad idea to step up between the sheets a little, it may not be enough if that criticization originates from porn addiction.

Secretive Online Activities

In all honesty, this behavior is so similar to the behavior of a cheating partner that one can get miscommunicated as the other quite easily and that is not a mistake anyone wants to make!
To tell when your partner is being secretive about his online activities because he is watching porn, and not chatting with someone else on Facebook secretly, is actually quite easy. Look for the following signs and you will know for sure.

  • Is he just staring towards the laptop or smartphone screen, or is he typing?
  • When he is using the laptop or smartphone at odd hours of the night, he is very likely trying to watch porn in secret.
  • If your ISP history tells you that he has been visiting porn sites, now you know what he was doing.
  • Someone who is watching porn and not cheating will spend more time home than if it was the other way around.
  • You see him on his laptop/smartphone all the time, but seldom is he online on social media sites.
Loss of Interest in Other Activities He Used to Like

As you might have noticed by now, change is the biggest indicator and if you notice that he has lost interest in most of the activities he used to be involved with outside of work, and spends most of his off days and spare time staring at a screen secretly, it’s likely to be a porn addiction.

What Can You Do If Your Partner is Addicted?

It’s a good idea for the partner to pay more attention to themselves and their appearance. Often, people enjoy porn because the actors in a scene do things that their partner won’t do or hasn’t done recently. As a result, they’re getting something fulfilling out of porn due to their partner restricting their choices. By making the effort to wear sexy nightwear, speak in a sexual manner, and be more direct, the woman is re-engaging with her man in a way he is more likely to respond to.

Another approach to get them away from their smartphone and its connection to sexual gratification is by encouraging them to get a sex doll. It’s true that the best sex dolls are very expensive, however, it will completely change their focus and re-introduce them to physical activity in the bedroom. With patience and kindness, a partner can encourage more satisfying physical pleasure while her man is trying to move away from adult content.

With an open and honest approach to physical intimacy, partners can overcome distance and powerful addictions. While it’s easy to feel jealous or irritated about porn addiction, by working towards a solution in an understanding manner, it’s likely to lead to better long-term results.

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