If you are trying to get your ex back, the “no contact rule” is very important to learn about. In fact, it is pretty much the most crucial thing you can do in this situation. Not having contact with each other can lead you to a stronger overall place with your relationship. There are numerous factors to consider before deciding how long you should do this for though. When you take the time to look into these things, you will be able to get the best possible results.
What Exactly does “No Contact Rule” Mean?
When you are following the No Contact rule, you cannot be in touch with your romantic partner in any way. This means no text messages, calls, emails, letters, or social media correspondence. You also shouldn’t look them up on Facebook, Twitter or any other profiles they might have online. The whole point of this is to each other time apart without any exposure or contact whatsoever. This will help you to get a clear head and the proper perspective to make the right decisions.
The Minimum
While the length of the No Contact rule depends on multiple things, you should follow it for at least two or three weeks. You need at least this amount of time apart to miss and appreciate each other properly. Any less than this won’t do you any good at all as a couple.
Length of Your Relationship
The first thing that you need to think about is how long you have been together so far. If you have been in a relationship for at least a couple of years, it’s a good idea to follow the No Contact rule for about two or three weeks. Basically the longer your relationship, the shorter your time apart should be.
How did you Break Up?
Another factor to consider is how you broke up in the first place. The uglier the breakup was, the longer you will probably need to spend apart from each other before trying to reunite. If the breakup has left you feeling very vulnerable, it is definitely a good idea to take a decent amount of time to yourself. You don’t want to put yourself out there again too soon. This will help you gain some very valuable perspective. Rushing back into a relationship with this person too soon will only ensure that things do not work out.
Assess How You’re Feeling
If you are not sure whether or not you have followed the No Contact rule for long enough, just think about how you feel. If you are still feeling very vulnerable with lots of negative emotion, it probably isn’t the right time. You should be feeling good and in a place where you are okay if you and your ex don’t end up working out as a couple. It is very important that you feel strong, because otherwise you should keep going with the whole no contact thing.
Think About the Past
The number of times that you have broken up with your ex in the past will also have an impact on how long you should follow the No Contact rule. If you have broken up multiple times before, it’s probably a good idea to take at least three or four weeks apart. The last thing you want to do is to just keep making the same mistakes. This time apart will provide you with the perspective necessary to make the right choice.
Other People
If there is someone else involved in this situation, it can complicate things quite a bit. Whether you are interested in someone else or they are seeing someone, you will need to consider this as well. Did you initially break up because your ex was seeing someone behind your back? If so, this is definitely something that you need to keep in mind. You might not want to go back to someone who is the cheating kind. It’s also important to find out the extent of what they did together. You will ultimately need to decide if you can move past their betrayal of your trust.
Your Living Situation
It can also really complicate things if you are currently living with your ex. Taking physical time apart might not be possible. This also adds a lot more pressure to the situation, which is never a good thing. You should try to see if one of you can move out temporarily until you have both had some time to think about things. Maybe you can stay with a friend or family member until you have decided what the best course of action is.
How Stubborn is Your Ex?
If you know that your ex is very stubborn, it is probably prudent to take more time apart just to be on the safe side. The more stubborn they are, the longer you will have to take without being together. The personality of your ex is going to be a very important factor in making this decision.
Who Initiated the Breakup?
You must also think about who initiated the breakup in the first place. If they broke up with you, it can be easy to develop a fear of rejection. This probably means that you aren’t rushing to get back with this person. It also means that you will need some time to heal emotionally. You should take as much time as you need to get to a more stable place in your own head.
Final Thoughts
Following the No Contact rule can be a very good idea if you want to give your relationship the best chance of succeeding. If you have been together for a while and don’t completely want things to end, this is certainly a good thing to try. Taking time apart from each other can be an excellent way to get the perspective necessary to make things work long term. It is a strategy that has worked for a lot of couples in the past.
