Some relationships can reach a complicated point where ending is necessary, but not always an easy goal to achieve.
There are times in life when we may find ourselves inside a troubled relationship that, in addition to not making us happy, oppresses and does harm. What starts well, can often reach an uncomfortable or even violent point and this type of situation is far more common than you think.
Whether it is a short term or long term relationship, dependent relationships can reach extreme levels, and when this happens, ending the relationship can be a very difficult endeavor. Only those who have been through an unhealthy relationship know the oppressive power it has even on emotionally mature people.
Getting out of an unhealthy relationship can be no easy task.
For her, even if rationally the individual can understand the reasons why he or she should leave the relationship (which doesn’t always happen), the person in this situation will easily tend to distort logic, cut reality and then stay in something that, visibly, brings more harm than good.
How to identify an unhealthy relationship?
Sometimes we are too forgiving or pretend not to see certain troubling attitudes in our partners. Some people may find certain slip-ups commonplace and others insist on looking for an explanation or even blame themselves for the other person’s mistakes.
The first step is to identify that your relationship has reached an unhealthy level and that it is urgent to break off this involvement. In this case, the relationship should no longer be considered a love affair, but rather a disrespectful relationship that goes beyond what is acceptable.
Characteristics of an unhealthy relationship:
- An unhealthy relationship does not make you happy. It is oppressive, hurts, and kills your self-esteem.
- Exaggerated jealousy. Cases where the other person constantly searches your messages, social networks, phone calls, and email. He may also constantly accuse you of flirting with other people.
- He is always suspicious of you and believes that you make up lies to get away with it.
- He gets in the way of your friendship relationships by not letting you go to events or trying to make you quit. He dislikes your friends and has no desire to keep up with you.
- When the relationship reaches a point where there is physical, verbal, or bullying violence, it has certainly reached an unhealthy level that should be treated as something critical.
- Possessiveness. You are to the other person like property, and it is common for them to identify you as “mine” or “mine”. Overly possessive people want to be your main subject and constant priority.
- Hierarchical relationships. This is when the other person does not give you openness to decisions or your preferences. He tries to boss you around and expects obedience.
- He makes you think that he made a mistake because of you. He can come up with various excuses as to why he did wrong, but it is always your responsibility. It could be that he messed with your computer because you came out too pretty. Or that he only has these outbursts because you promised eternal love.
What to do to end an unhealthy relationship?
1. Put a definitive end
Get ready and end this relationship once and for all. Whether in person or even over the phone, make it clear that you no longer want and use all your strength to fulfill the promise.
A sick partner will not want to accept the breakup, and will use every possible weapon to convince you otherwise. They will make emotional demands, promise to change their behavior, and even threaten you physically or verbally, or swear revenge.
It is important that you do not give in to these pressures at the risk of making the situation even worse. By accepting blackmail and threats, you are increasing the other person’s feeling of power over you.
In the case of threats and violent behavior, it is important that you seek help from friends and even the police. It is certainly not a pleasant situation, and there are many cases in which complaints are not made simply out of shame. But if there is potential violence you need to prevent it.
2. Keep your distance
There is no point in being close when the intention is to end a complicated relationship. Even if the frequency is reduced, simple sporadic meetings can hinder the decision and the certainty for both of you of the need to break up.
It will be painful for everyone, and it is possible that the other person will not accept this distance and will use emotional blackmail, such as complaints of loneliness or meaningless insinuations to force you to meet. Don’t lose control and try to understand that the distance will be painful for both of you, but that it is necessary to reach the goal.
In case your partner presents a denial or unhealthy behavior, the distancing is even more important and should be radical: “Each person will tend to have a different attitude, according to what was established in the relationship and to each person’s personality. Therefore, at this moment it is fundamental to completely distance yourself from the other. Block Facebook, e-mail, and cell phones, ask friends not to comment on events in your life, even those that they believe will be motivating. Avoiding the places the person goes to is also a crucial factor to overcome this phase.
3. Don’t give in to relapses
Accepting a reunion can make you uncertain of what you want, besides throwing away all the result achieved, even if it is little. It’s not uncommon for partners who have been dumped to promise new behavior if they are accepted back, which in most cases, doesn’t come to pass and can leave you confused.
She points out the importance of keeping the distance and explains that a relapse is enough to turn back and put everything at risk: “It is essential that you manage not to be affected by certain behaviors of the other person in order to get your attention. The other is sure to feel threatened by your absence and with the change in attitude, this will probably lead to more drastic attitudes, potential threats and even that behavior you have always feared, like going out with an ex and posting the pictures on Facebook for you to see, for example.”
4. Ask friends for help
To get through this confusing and painful time, it is important to be able to rely on people you trust. Ask your friends and family for help, explain the situation, and count on their support to endure. The vision of people outside the relationship, but who know the story, can be relevant to your decision and even show you angles that you had not realized.
5. Seek specialized psychological help
In every relationship, both parties are responsible. Pointing the blame for every problem will certainly not help resolve the situation. Even when the difficulty is related to possessiveness or even violence, the victim often has his share of responsibility, either by forgiving many times, closing his eyes to certain attitudes or other reasons.
“First of all, it is worth remembering that for an unhealthy relationship to exist, a pair of people is necessary, there is not only one responsible. In general, both ‘get sick’ and feed this relationship with all their strength. To get out of this kind of relationship, the first step is to assume that this is not a healthy relationship.
If you have the possibility to seek a psychologist in order to start a treatment, this will be a great help. He will certainly be able to help you identify what led the relationship to the illness and consequently help you to avoid falling into the same pattern. But don’t forget that the therapeutic process also depends on you; you need the will to heal yourself to get back to health.
What if the person doesn’t accept the breakup?
In the most critical cases, when the other does not accept the end of the relationship at all, it will be necessary to have perseverance and maintain your security. Total detachment is the most essential. Each case will have a necessary time to heal. If you have the possibility, even an extended trip is worth it. Cut off all communication with the other person and do not let them get information about any aspect of your life, no matter how small.
The unhealthy jealousy and the charge caused by the addiction can cause the person to create many hypothetical stories that end up increasing the anger and distorting the whole reality. As mentioned above, in cases of threats or violence, it is essential to seek police assistance.