As one of the top television gameshow hosts often shouts “you’ve got yourself a date!”, the hard part is over, hurdles have been jumped, Australian dating sites have been conquered and you can now look forward to meeting the lucky lady. Body language behaviours are guided by primitive parts of our brain called the limbic system. This system tells us when we are comfortable or uncomfortable, and readies our bodies to pursue flight or fight responses and helps us determine what is attractive and what is not.
Understanding these automatic responses within a dating situation can be the key to deciding what your date is feeling and experiencing. Reading what her limbic system is saying is the all-important cues to helping your date, change your approaching or adapt to her behaviours.
Positive vs Negative
How on earth do you know if your date is happy, or wants to cut and run. Well quite simply body language can be broken down into positive body language and negative. Noticing that your partner is moving towards you or reducing the space between you both is good news. But even more subtle signs such as her feet or hips pointing towards is positive as well as playfully playing with her hair, watch or jewellery. Extended eye contact is also a good sign that she is interested and absorbed in you and what you are saying, although looking down, acting coy and is being shy can also be a good sign that she is nervous in your presence and likes you.
However, your date increasing the space between you during the date, conversation or even a response to a single question can be seen as displaying negative body language. If your date has crossed legs away from you, or has stiff mannerisms, arms crossed or rubbing the back of her neck then these all show a lack of interest in the current situation. The more obvious include, lack of eye contact, frowning, closed hands and so forth.
During your date searching for signs and cues of behaviour can help with understanding how the date is going and what she may be feeling. Groups of signs are called clusters and these clusters can give you a strong indication on how the date is going. A positive cluster of signs is suggesting your date is comfortable, it’s going well and she is happy with you, your behaviour and how you are with them; ultimately she feels safe.
Negative clusters from, for example, the list above then of course means her limbic system is firing cues in an unhappy direction. She may feel uncomfortable, uneasy, lots of neck rubbing, or nose itching can suggest your behaviour needs changing. But that’s ok, understanding these clusters is your learning tool to change how you approach either the next date, your next question, or change your behaviour in the current situation.
The Green Light
When learning the signs and body langue a top tip is to subliminally attach her positive signs to a green light and her negative cues and signs to a red light. From here as your body language awareness develops when you’re interacting with your date, chatting with them you can almost ‘see’ or ‘feel’ the green light, this is good news. The green light enables you to continue down this line of conversation, or keep doing what you’re doing, your date is more than likely enjoying your company and her body language is telling you so. In contrast, when you feel or see the red light then stop your line of questioning, or change your behaviour or body position slightly to adjust your approach until you get the green light, a quick flirt could be all you need to change her signs. It is possible for the green light to reappear, if you have adapted to the current situation with the date.
This green light approach allows you to be more responsive and pick up on your date’s body language and what she is telling you. By being more responsive you are automatically suggesting you are sensitive, empathic and have good awareness towards her in each and every date, this will be an attractive quality. The green light effect also helps you to time questions better and suggest a second or third during periods of ‘green lights’ where you date is comfortable, happy and possibly more agreeable!
The eye contact is a classic romantic sign that is used in many universal situations. However eye contact can be confusing because someone who isn’t making eye contact could be shy and unable to look into your beautiful eyes for long. Or they may be feeling awkward and uncomfortable. Therefore, using extremes is a good measuring tool, either holding eye contact for long periods showing interest and intent or not making much eye contact at all are often good indications that they like you.
Lean on Me
Another form of positive body language can be seen in a slight lean towards you. Again as mentioned earlier if your date wants to reduce the space between you, doesn’t matter how subtle or how short of time this sign should be flashing your green light. The person could be next to you leaning in or opposite you during your date facing you where her chest and feet facing you is sure piece of body language that she wants to be there with you.
Fidgeting is can often mean flirting. If your date likes you then they may well be nervous, unable to keep still as their heart is beating fasting and they are excited, fidgeting can be the body language that gives you a green light. We like to think that we are in control of our feelings and emotions but if your date is playing with her hair, twiddling the ends or has sweaty palms then you can rest assure that they are having difficulty controlling what they think of you, a good sign!
If your date is mimicking your movements and your personal body language is being mirrored then she is trying to establish an underlying connection with you. She may also try to copy your tone of voice, the language you use and the way you are sitting. If you feel comfortable, relaxed and sitting back in your chair then keep an eye out for her doing the same. Then lean in and rest of the table, if there is one, in front of you. If she does the same then your green should be as she is interested in closing the space between you and listening further to what you have to say.