The term “demisexual” refers to someone who only feels a sexual attraction to those whom they already have a deep and powerful emotional bond with.
The emotional connections doesn’t have to be romantic in nature, and it’s actually common for demisexuals to be attracted to their friends before anyone else. They do not experience sexual attraction like a majority of people do most of the time though, which is why they fall under the asexual spectrum.
10 Signs You Are Demisexual:
1. You don’t place a lot of importance on sex
The fact is that most people place a decent amount of importance on sex, but demisexuals do not. These people would rather have lively intellectual conversations than have sex. If you don’t spend much time thinking about having sex or don’t experience a sexual attraction to random people, this term could very well apply to you.
2. You are mainly attracted to someone’s personality rather than their looks
If you find that you are more interested in a person’s personality much more than their physical appearance, you could be considered demisexual. A majority of people first notice a person’s looks, but this isn’t the case with demisexuals. This isn’t to say that you haven’t had your fair share of crushes, but they haven’t really come with a lot of sexual thoughts and feelings like with most people. You probably don’t hit on complete strangers, simply because you don’t know what kind of personality they have and therefore can’t tell whether or not you’re really attracted to them.
3. Your romantic relationships usually start out as friendships
A lot of demisexuals’ relationships begin as friendships, though this is not always the case. Think about all of the romantic relationships you have ever had and ask yourself how many of them started out as friendships. Demisexuals typically prefer to get to know someone on a deep level before they even consider getting into a relationship or even having sex.
4. You tend to be very single-minded with your sexual attraction to people
Demisexuals do not experience sexual attraction very often, so therefore they tend to struggle with these types of feelings. You probably get a strange sort of sensation when you are around someone whom you are actually sexually attracted to, and you don’t quite understand the sensation. You also probably aren’t sure how to initiate intercourse because sex is typically not something that’s on your mind. When you realize that you are in love with someone, you also realize that you cannot imagine being in love with anyone other than that specific person.
5. You have been accused of being a prude
If you have been accused by others of being a prude or “old-fashioned” when it comes to sex, you could be classified as a demisexual. Many people who fall under this particular label aren’t very sexually active and certainly don’t hook up, which in this day and age means that you get called a prude or worse. Think about if you have ever been accused of this and how many times.
6. A lot of your relationships have suffered due to low sex drive
When a demisexual gets into a relationship with someone who isn’t a demisexual in any respect, there can be problems with the relationship because of sex, or lack thereof. You should think about whether or not any of the relationships you have been in before have been negatively affected due to your not wanting to have sex on a regular basis. Demisexuals can physically enjoy having sex, but it’s usually not something they are interested in doing a lot.
7. You often worry you are not sexual enough
If you have thought to yourself a number of times that you just aren’t a very sexual person, it might be because you are a demisexual. These people tend to worry about not being sexual enough a lot, and it can cause them a great amount of distress. This usually isn’t the kind of thing that most people worry about, simply because a majority of people have a “normal” sex drive so it never really occurs to them.
8. Most or all of your fantasies are romantic in nature
Are most of the sexual fantasies you have romantic in nature instead of dirty or raunchy? If so, you might just be demisexual. Demisexuals tend to formulate fantasies that are couched in romance more so than anything else. This isn’t to say that a demisexual can’t be into bondage or some other dirty fetish, but it’s fairly uncommon. Most fantasies revolve around romance and emotion rather than pure physical attraction.
9. People have called you Asexual
Whether seriously or just in a joking manner, you may have been called asexual by friends, family members or even people you’ve dated. The fact is that demisexuals fall somewhere in the asexual spectrum, so it’s not a completely inaccurate accusation. Most demisexuals still feel sexual attraction to others, but it just usually comes after they have bonded with someone in a deep and meaningful way emotionally. If you have been accused of being asexual more than once, this term could be applied to you.
10. You don’t truly understand the terms “Sexy” or “Hot”
When you are with a group of friends and someone points out someone they think is sexy, you it occurs to you that you don’t really understand what they mean. This is because for you sexual attraction is something that is deeply intertwined with emotional attraction. Since you obviously cannot have an immediate emotional attraction to someone you’ve never met, it’s impossible to understand how others can find someone they don’t know attractive. You may understand the concept of words like hot and sexy, but you cannot really empathize with your peers at all when they use such terms when you are hanging out together.