The fact that you are here, seeking help on ways to get your ex back, says enough about how much invested you are in the relationship. But before you ask me what you should do to get him back if he has a new girlfriend, I have a question for you. Why do you want him back? I understand that breakups are painful and seeing the arms that were once wrapped around you, around someone else, the feeling that you have been replaced, the feeling of what once was so beautiful is no more can be downright gut wrenching. But it is imperative for your own good, that you answer my question, or rather let me put it this way – ask yourself, why do you want him back.
- So, do you want him, just because it he’s with someone else?- because that’s not the right way to go, and I say mission abort!
- Do you want them to breakup, just because you don’t want him to find someone else so that he can regret having lost you – us girls can get that crazy sometimes after a breakup and if this is the case, trust me girl, you’ve got better things to do!
- Do you really feel there is a future if the two of you get back together.
If you answered yes to the last question, I will ask you one more thing:
How long has it been since the two of you broke up?
- First off, if it was a very recent event, then this is not the right time to start, because you are in a very emotional state – you are vulnerable and your judgment is compromised.
- Secondly, if this little fling of his started before you guys officially called it off, there is no reason you should be considering pursuing him. I understand that you love him, but take it from me – love is blind, and you are unable to see his shortcomings. He is just not worth it. And you my dear beautiful woman are worth so much more. There will be another person, who is a real man, and will never hurt you, save your love for him. I know it’s not easy to shut down all your feelings, but it’s for the best. He was cheating on you honey – you don’t deserve to be treated like that.
- Third – if this new affair started after you broke up, most likely you have nothing to worry about. He is just going through a rebound. It might look bad, but that is just another coping mechanism men use to get over the ones they loved. In some way they are trying to fill the gap you left – the ‘you’ shaped hole in his heart. 90% of the rebound end pretty soon. But remember, it has to be his idea not yours because if make any open moves, that will only push him further towards the new chic. More on that later.
So what if he has a new girlfriend?
Phase 1: No Contact Rule
Remember, I asked you, if you this was a recent event? After a breakup, both of you need time away from each other to cool off. If your focus is getting back together, this time will give you an opportunity to reflect upon the relationship. Ask yourself – what went wrong? Try to figure out what you could do to not let that get in the way anymore, if you two are a thing again.
If it was you who called quits, think about what actions of his drove you to take that decision, do you think that is forgivable, if it is forgivable; do you think that matches the standards of your core values; if it does, then do you think he is the kind of person who sees the depth of his mistakes and won’t let that happen again?
Now ask yourself – did you make any mistakes in the relationship that drove him away. Or maybe you just took an emotional decision without a solid reason. If you have made mistakes, you need to apologize and make plans yourself on not repeating the same. You would expect the same from him, if it was his mistake, wouldn’t you? I am not saying that acknowledging your faults will have him come rushing right back to you, but this is the right thing to do, and it’s a good start that clears the negativity he has for you and makes him ready to think about you when the rebound fling goes up in flames. You jumped up a little bit over there, didn’t you?
During the no contact period, I also need you to work a little on yourself. Exercise is the most important thing to do during this period; it relieves your stress from the breakup and clears your head, so that you will make a good decision, not one that is the brainchild of an emotional storm. Also, do not seclude yourself from the real world and sever all human contact because that will just drive you crazy. You need to experience the world without him too. It tells you whether you really need him in your life. Work on yourself, be the attractive, confident and vivacious woman you were when he first fell in love with you.
The No contact period last for one month – 30 days! And I really need you to not contact him in any way, no calls, no texts, no hidden messages in status updates, no stalking. You do not want to come across as clingy and needy, because you know what’s clingy – glue, tar and the other sort and nobody wants that on them. Give him time to miss you. Can you do that for me?
And the no contact period needs to be subtle. There is no need for you to inform him in any way that you won’t be available for the next 30 days.
Phase 2: The First contact
How do you feel by the way? How has the month away from him been for you? Do you feel refreshed? Good! That’s where I need you to be! I am proud of you!
Now, your first contact needs to be subtle. So let’s start with a text and by text I mean something along the lines of – ‘Hi, How have you been?’ Do not bombard him with –‘I Love you’, ‘I miss you’. Be subtle. Moreover, texts are private and the new girlfriend is less likely to find out about it. And even if she does, she breached his privacy and it’s ‘game over’ for her.
Slowly build your attraction through your messages. Don’t get all chatty on the very first day.
Phase 3: Meet Him
After you have built a steady attraction via messages and you have him comfortable around talking to you, gently suggest that you would like to meet him. Do not call it a date. And when you meet him, look your best, but try not to go overboard; keep it casual. He has to see a new improved you to make him start wondering if he could light things up with you again. I hope you have taken the no contact rule and the working on you part seriously. Because those are our main weapons here. If it still doesn’t work, accept it and move on. But, if he does choose you, he is falling for the new improved you and you need to keep the sparkle alive.
Phase 4: Go for the kill!
To go for the kill, all you need to do is be yourself. You will not indicate in any way, that you want him to breakup with his new girlfriend. It needs to be his idea. If you think he needs to be pushed into doing that, you are only pushing him more towards her. Remember, this is going to be difficult for him as well. It cannot happen overnight.be a little patient and accommodating. Even if he does tell you, that he wants to let go of the ‘new girlfriend’ and get back with you and if that is taking time, be supportive. It makes you look very good and will create great faith in you. Until he makes that move, keep meeting him, be caring and affectionate but keep some boundaries. Try not to get physical, unless he goes through with the decision of leaving her.
You shouldn’t be that easy to get. Be charming and confident and he will know what to do. If he doesn’t, it’s nobody’s loss, be an adult and move on. But, it’s more likely that he will come back to you.
Follow these steps and you will certainly get him back even if he has a new girlfriend. And when he’s back, try not to repeat any mistakes you made and always keep the sparkle alive. Thank me later!